


Ki__ me

by plum_blossom, Weirdo_with_ideas (plum_blossom)



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23732104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plum_blossom/pseuds/plum_blossom, https://archiveofourown.org/users/plum_blossom/pseuds/Weirdo_with_ideas
Summary: How killing Hannibal turned into kissing Hannibal.(Typos in the beginning, but it gets better as it continues.)
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	Ki__ me

Will didn't fall in love.  
He was blinded by soft words, a charismatic appearance, blue eyes and a mind that understood him. 

He didn't fall in love. He was lured in until he was close enough for love to attack him.  
Love broke him - his consciousness, his mind, all of his ethics and standards. 

Will never fell in love.  
He was dragged into it, tricked into it, thrown into it. 

And yet, when Hannibal locked eyes with him that evening, he felt genuine desire. Or maybe he mistook it for genuine. Maybe it was just another thing his twisted mind was wrongly producing.  
It was Hannibal's fault after all. Everything was Hannibal's fault. How could Will look at him and wet his lips, and clench his jaw and think those things he'd rather not think? How could he? 

"Is there anything you want to share?" Hanninal's accented voice didn't make it better. Will quickly looked away, awoken from his paralysis, trying to find something to distract him. But the truth was that Hannibal was distracting him. From everything else.  
"No," he pressed out, scolding himself silently for the crack in his voice.  
Hannibal's eyes narrowed, but he didn't ask again.  
Instead, he brought up other topics. History, books, psychology. Things that were easy to talk about. He could see Will relax while they were trailing off and chatting about things like cooking, fishing and murder. A smile flashed on Will's lips from time to time, causing a weird warmth to grow inside Hannibal, but he was able to push it away as quickly as it had come. 

Hannibal knew what he was doing. At least he thought so. He knew, he was testing Will. With every word that fell from his lips, with every look, every deed. Hannibal was exploring him and his patterns of behaviour, influencing him and watching. He was studying empathy. He was studying Will.  
What he hadn't had in mind when he'd started this project (that had become his life and death) was that he was human, too. And that Will, even though he was who and how he was, wasn't just pure empathy. He wasn't just the human faults and mistakes that Hannibal found so interesnting either. Not only. There was more to him and Hannibal was exploring every inch of Will's scattered mind and while doing so he was destroying it, breaking it down, part by part, bit by bit. He didn't know how and wasn't intending to put it back together.  
But Hannibal was human, too. And he couldn't help, but explore Will's eyes as well, his beauty, his body and voice. He couldn't help but be drawn in slowly.  
He wanted to explore more than Will's mind. 

The flood of words between them came with ease and didn't seem to stop. Hannibal offered Will a drink when their plates and glasses were empty. Will gladly accepted. They sat down in the living room on the couch together in front of the fireplace.  
"Cheers," Hannibal said and their Whiskey glasses clinged.  
"On us." It was risky, just a litte tiny bit risky.  
But Will nodded. "On us. Cheers." 

One glass of Whiskey led to another until both of them were dizzy and their eyes went places they wouldn't have gone without the alcohol. 

"Will?" 

"Hm." 

"What am I? To you?" 

Will frowned, looked at him... his watery blue eyes, his lips, his chest- Quickly he forced his eyes upwards again. 

"An attractive son of a bitch," he whispered, louder than intended.  
Hannibal raised his eyebrows ever so slightly, almost caught off guard.

"What am I to you?", Will asked, too drunk to think about what he'd just said and too lazy to change the subject. 

"I've answered this before." 

"But... now. What about now? What am I now?" 

_Perfect_ , Hannibal thought for the break of a second and frowned at himself. Will wasn't perfect, what was he thinking about? He'd seen him break, god dammit, he'd broken him himself. This man wasn't perfect. He had dark sides, flaws, shady thoughts, too much empathy to be himself.  
And yet Hannibal was staring at him as if he was the whole world, and he didn't even realize that he was doing so.

Will on the other hand noticed his gaze. And he gave in for the break of a second, for just the quickest moment - it was enough time to close the gap between them and press his lips against Hannibal's. 

Something was tugging forcefully on Hannibal's mind, telling him to grab Will, pull him closer than this, taste him and feel his heat.  
Even though Hannibal managed to calm those hungry thoughts, Will could feel the longing. He parted his lips slightly, giving Hannibal permission to push his tongue between his teeth.  
He still tasted of Whiskey.  
Will's hands trailed up to Hannibal's chest, fumbling with his waistcoat.  
But then he pushed himself away, in a sudden realization of what he was doing. 

Will stared at Hannibal. Why the hell did this just happen? Hannibal - a serial killer, a cannibal, the person he'd been wanting to kill for the past weeks. Who he'd been fantasizing about killing.  
Now, he was fantasizing about something else. 

Hannibal whose face didn't show any specific emotion at all was working hard inside his mind. What was this? Why did he enjoy this?  
Who was Will to him? Really. 

"I... need to..." Will broke off. It was unbearably late, he was drunk and definitely couldn't drive. _Shit_ , he thought as he realized what that meant.  
"Actually... I... I need to, uh... Could I stay here? For the night?" When the words had left his lips, he realized how bad they sounded. How wrong.

But Hannibal was polite enough to not remark upon it.  
"Of course," he said. And that he sounded as calm and collected as ever made Will's head spin in circles.  
"You can stay in the guest room." 

Will just nodded. He knew where it was. He knew where most things were, in this house. Now that he thought about it, maybe he knew it a little too well.  
"Excuse me. It's... really late." It was a lame excuse. But true. And they couldn't talk about what had just occured. Neither of them was sober enough. Neither of them was sure that it actually happened at all. 

"Of course. Good night, Will." Hannibal, ever so polite and understanding.

"Good night," Will cleared his dry throat, "Hanninal." 

●

The light backlit Hannibal, causing most of his face to lie in shadows.  
"Hello, Will," he said. It echoed. "Hello, Will. Hello, Will. Hello, Will."  
Will tried to make it stop. Everything was spinning. Clutching for balance, he reached out for Hannibal's sillhouette.  
And found their lips connected. 

"You want to kill me." A whisper against Will's lips, warm breath on his skin there. It echoed again. "Kill me, kill me, kill me..." 

Will raised a knife. And pushed it into the sillhouette in front of him. Hannibal caughed up blood, Will tasted it on his lips.  
Then, Hannibal dissolved. Everything was empty. And Will was awfully alone.  
Everything was still. And Will was awfully confused. 

Somebody grasped his arm. His heart stopped, he jerked and suddenly his eyes shot open.  
"Will."  
He was trenched in sweat and staring at at a pair of blue eyes underneath neatly combed hair.  
And it dawned to him that Hannibal was one of the few constant things in his life that he was sure of. He was sure Hannibal exsisted. And he was there, holding his arm with a worried frown.  
There were many times in which reality was shifted for Will, in which he couldn't decide whether he was dreaming or actually experiencing something.  
But he knew, this was true. And it was strangely comforting and scary at the same time. 

"You were talking in your sleep, tossing about. I figured I'd better wake you up. Excuse my intruding," Hannibal said and let go of Will's arm. 

Will didn't know how to respond. He felt dirty.  
"May I use the shower?" 

"Of course," Hannibal granted and slowlier added, "I can give you a fresh shirt as well." 

A feeling of unease settled in Will's chest, but he accepted the offer. 

●

Water ran down his face, warmth coated his skin. He hadn't been so grateful for something as simple as a shower in a long time. Thoughts filled his head, but slipped away too quickly for him to hold on to them. So he just concentrated on the impact of the water that was pouring on his skin. A sigh escaped his lips and he stayed in the hot shower for a little lnoger than necessary, stretching time so he would catch a break before meeting Hannibal again.

Finally he cleaned himself up, turned off the water and stepped out into the bathroom. He rubbed himself dry with a towel, his head still filled with too many thoughts.  
Then, with the towel wrapped around his lower body, he picked up the shirt. It was fancier than his own shirts. Obviously.  
Without even really realizing, he held it up and smelled it. He had almost expected it to smell like Hannibal.  
But it just smelled like a normal, fresh shirt.  
It was probably better that way. 

●

Hannibal arranged a nice little breakfast for both of them and was just done with it when Will entered the room. Hannibal stole a glance he wouldn't have admitted to. Will's hair was still damp and the shirt was a touch too big on him.  
A smile played on Hannibal's face, but he supressed it before it could reach his lips.

"Good morning, Will," he said. 

"Good morning." Will seemed alert. Hannibal didn't like it.  
They sat down to eat.  
This time,it was hard to find a topic for a conversation. 

Finally, one of them brought it up.  
It was Hannibal.  
"Whatever happened yesterday..." 

"Should stay between the two of us," Will finished before Hannibal could continue. "Doctor-patient confidentiality."  
Will was slightly blushing.

"I agree," Hannibal nodded, "Though, I agree as your friend, not your doctor." 

"Hm."  
They continued with their breakfast - fried eggs, toast, fresh vegetables, coffee and juice. While Will was trying to distract himself, he realized that everything on the table was vegetarian. Very unlike Hannibal. 

"Still, as a doctor, I would like to know," Hannibal suddenly started, cutting off Will's train of thoughts. "How did you feel?" 

Will's face heatened, his throat felt dry. He didn't need to ask "What do you mean?" Or "When?". What Hannibal meant was obvious.  
Instead, he considered his answer very carefully while chewing on his egg on toast. And settled for no answer at all.  
"As a friend... how did you feel?"

"A counter question. A good defense, Will. But you needn't defend yourself. Not inside these walls." 

"Neither do you." 

Tension hung between them.

"I didn't mind," Hannibal finally said, not even blushing.  
Will swallowed. A hundred thoughts ran through his mind. Not even half of them weren't dirty. 

"You needn't answer the question. I am your doctor and I'm obligned to accept any lack of replies," Hannibal said, but he was more interested in this than he would admit. So he added, "Though, it will most likely help me understand you in future sessions. And a lack of replies can always be interpreted." 

Will almost choked on his breakfast, but overplayed it with some over-enthusiastic nodding. 

"So?" Hannibal didn't sound impatient. 

Will cleared his throat.  
"It was... enjoyable." A pink shade was on his cheeks. He was lying. It had been more than enjoyable. But it had also been wrong, terribly wrong. 

"I see."  
There was a pause. Will couldn't stand it. Hannibal used the pause to process this new information.  
"Do you want to talk about your nightmare, Will?" 

Will would have relaxed if he had asked about literally anything else, but this topic didn't help him stiffen less.  
"It was a, uh, just a dream." Another lie. It had been a nightmare. 

"Did it change anything?", Hannibal asked. 

Will felt as if Hannibal knew exactly what he'd dreamt. It didn't make matters better at all. He cleared his throat again. And decided not to lie this time.  
"It made me realize some things." 

"What things?" 

"I..." He broke off. Oh, God, why hadn't he just lied?  
He started again. "There are only few constant patterns in my life." He kept blinking and finally, finally looked up at Hanninal. Who was raising his brows.

"I have discovered quite a lot during our sessions. But you can always arrange more patterns if that's what you want. It's your life after all." 

Will looked away again, continued eating.  
" _You_ are a very... regular pattern. In my life." It was more of a note to himself. A small remark. 

"I am," Hannibal agreed.

Will didn't say it. He couldn't, it was simply too wrong. But he thought it - _What if I saw you more regularly? What if you became a more regular pattern?_  
No, he told himself. It wasn't right, wasn't good. 

But he found excuses. Subconsciously, at first. He needed to return the shirt, wanted to discuss another case, remembered another hallucination...

While Hannibal found out more and more about Will's mind, coming over more often turned into a habit of Will's.  
After a few weeks, Hannibal wasn't even surprised anymore when the doorbell rang unannouncedly.

Slowly, the excuses to come over led to excuses to stay.  
And Will spent lots of days and nights at Hannibal's place. It didn't even feel wrong anymore. Sure, Will had his worries, his days full of doubt and self-scolding. But they had their silent agreements. They never got too drunk again. They never told anyone. They never brought the kiss up again. 

Until one day.

It was rainy outside, and when Hannibal opened the door to find Will, Will looked at him differntly than usually.  
Hannibal put it aside as something he'd just imagined, but it didn't stop.  
When he said hello, when he got out of his coat when they walked into the room... Will looked at him differently. 

"You remember how it started." 

Hannibal gave him a questioning look. 

"These... stays. You were ok with it. You 'didn't mind'. Remember?" 

"I do." Of course Hannibal did.

"I want to try something." 

"As long as it doesn't harm our confidentialities, agreements or doctor-patient relationship-" 

"It might." 

Hannibal considered it. Will was less than an arm length away. Hannibal knew what he wanted to try. What he wanted to try for a second time, in fact. 

"Go ahead." 

This kiss was calmer, but not any less sensational. Hannibal's lips were warm, while Will's were still cool from the wind outside. Will's hands were resting on Hannibal's chest, somehow uncertainly and Hanninal couldn't stop himself quickly enough before already cupping Will's cheek.  
Abruptly they broke apart - forced themselves to break apart -, too overwhelmed by the sudden desire that got the best of them.  
"So?" There was a crack in Hannibal's voice that he was trying to hide. 

Will knew. In this very moment, Will knew for sure. That Hannibal wanted him.  
And he thought about his power in this moment, about Hannibal's vulnerability. About all the terrible things he could do now.  
His theory had turned out to be right. And if Hannibal was in love, or at least longing for Will, that meant Will could easily break him.  
And Will thought about it.  
Hannibal thought about it, too. Even though he would never show it, it scared him. All the things Will could do... Payback.  
He had thought about it many times. Every time Will had visited him, every time he had felt a stab of unbearble yearning and hunger.  
He was scared.  
And then, there was something else. Something that Will made him feel, maybe because Will made him feel so vulnerable...

Will was dragged into, tricked into, lured into love.  
But Hannibal never intentinally did that. Hannibal wanted to explore Will, make Will like him, nothing more. He'd just wanted to test him. Will was to be his little subject for a study in human behaviour.  
But there was much more.  
While Will never fell in love, Hannibal had. He had fallen without even noticing.

Will was uncertain, hesitating to make a desicion.  
Reason was telling him, he should use this moment of weakness in Hannibal's barriers to stab him and twist the knife.  
Something else was telling him he should follow a desire that was surely unmoralic, but incredibly strong. 

Will gave in.

"Can I try again?" 

Hanninal leant in as an answer, his thumb tracing Will's cheekbone.  
Their kisses got rougher, their hands wandered needily.  
Will staggered backwards and found himself pinned against the wall. His consciousness was yelling at him, telling him to stop, but Hannibal was too close, his heat to present. Everything else didn't exsit anymore.  
A moan escaped Will's mouth when Hannibal pressed him against the wall and deepened the kiss. 

One thing led to another. 

Of course, Will knew it was terribly stupid.  
But Hannibal tasted too good, his touch on Will's skin was too irresistable, his low voice that made all the sweet nothings sound like promises was dripping with seduction, his smell was too _difficult to avoid_ , his eyes lingered on Will's body like he was the only one Hannibal ever wanted. And maybe Will was.  
Still, it wasn't okey of course. Still, this couldn't be done. Still, Will shouldn't have felt aroused. Still, their breaths shouldn't have mingled like that, heavy in the dark.

They both knew. Will, espacially.  
But Will couldn't stop. Not even if he had seriously tried, he couldn't have. 

Later, exhausted in the sheets, Hannibal jokingly called it a good session of therapy. Will punched his shoulder. "Jerk." 

"That's no way to talk to a gentleman."

"You did some very ungentlemanly things today," Will reminded him. 

"I could do worse," Hannibal grinned, his teeth glittering in the dark. 

There was a short moment of silence. They were both lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling.  
"Hannibal?" 

"Yes, Will."  
Will wondered if Hannibal had always said his name like that - softly, almost carefully and yet a little bit posessive.  
He had. 

"Is this real?" 

Hannibal turned onto his side, propping hinself up on one arm and facing Will.  
"Yes, I strongly believe so."  
Will looked at him. With a disbelieving shine in his eyes, he reached out for Hannibal, traced his jawline, then his neck with his fingertips. Will's eyes followed his hands.  
Did he believe this was true? Did he want to believe this was true? What if it was... true...

"What does this mean?" 

"Whatever you want it to." 

Will didn't know how to respond. He should have expected an answer like that from Hannibal. Yet, he wasn't prepared. What did it mean? 

"I... I can't think straight." 

"That is most likely because you are apparently very gay." 

Will rolled his eyes, but they both snorted amusedly. 

"No, seriously." Will locked eyes with Hannibal. Will had never allowed himself to get lost too far in Hannibal's strange beauty, but now he shamelessly did.  
"What does it mean? People will say you took advantage of our doctor-patient relationship." 

"Did I not?" 

Will thought about this. Hannibal was right, he realized.  
"Bastard."

"I didn't force you to do anything," Hannibal said calmly. 

Will thought about that, too. And again, Hannibal was right. 

"I guess that means I like you more than I'm supposed to." Will's voice was weaker than he wanted it to be.  
He'd known this for a long time, but saying it, admitting to it... was something entirely differnt.

"Well, what are we going to do about that?", Hannibal asked, almost teasingly stressing the last word. 

Will ran his fingertips over Hannibal's bare shoulder, down his arm.  
"Maybe I should go see a different therapist." 

Will could see Hannibal's pout through the darkness and suddenly felt Hannibal nuzzling his head in the crook of his neck.  
Hannibal's warm breath brushed against Will's bare skin when he lowly said, "I don't think I can allow that." 

Will chuckled, tangling his legs and arms with Hanninal's and cuddling up closer to him.  
"You're being very selfish," Will whispered. 

"And you are being very childish. We are grown men, we can solve this like grown men. No need to be uncomfortable or embarrassed. You can still be my patient." Hannibal nibbled on Will's ear.

"I don't think- Ha~nnibal!" Will's voice broke when Hanninal went to sucking the skin of his neck between his teeth, adding more hickeys to the ones that already were there.  
"You're an unreasonable doctor," Will said, but huffed a surrender when Hannibal shifted his weigh to lay on top of him.  
Chuckling, Will rolled over to get more air.  
"Want to cuddle me to death now?" 

"Possibly." 

"Hey, I'm not your dinner!" 

"No," Hannibal's voice vibrated in Will's ears, "But you are my dessert." 

Deep down they both were aware of the fact that it was just another lie - this perfect life. These perfect dialogues. Moments of bliss...  
They were all just inventions. 

Because Hannibal manipulated Will into this. And Will had no choice but to follow his brainwashed mind.  
Hannibal was the cause of Will's pain. Of his confusion. His nightmares. 

As much as they wanted it to be, it wasn't a healthy relationship. It was abusive. Toxic.  
In truth, it was just a way of managing to coexist without killing each other, nothing but a fraud on themselves. 

_Can't live with him, can't live without him._

"Can't live at all," Will whispers to himself from time to time when he realizes that he and Hannibal are fooling everybody, including themselves. 

They fooled you, too.

But just like Will, you don't want to admit it, don't want to admit that it's a despicable lie that allows them to coexist and survive.  
The tension between them caused by this fraud on their own minds will never die.  
But they will. Eventually.

Will never fell in love.  
But then, he did fall. With Hannibal.  
And as the air rushed past them and they made their way downwards, inevitably towards the impact of the water, holding onto each other for a last time, it was a cry for relief - death. 

_Can't live with him, can't live without him - Can't live at all._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
